Even my dreams hate me....

For the past few months I have been suffering from gallstone attacks. To avoid massive, crippling pain, I have had to put myself on a very strict diet. I am effectively not allowed to enjoy a meal anymore. I am not able to consume alcohol, tea, coffee, dairy, meat, eggs, refined sugars, saturated and trans fats, etc, etc.

Anyways, last night I dreamt about one of the items on my list forbidden goods. I dreamt that I had poured myself a large mug full of fresh, hot coffee. The aroma was seductive. The steam danced sensually on the air. I poured cream into it, and the beauty of the two swirling liquids brought tears to my eyes. Brown and white mixing into a golden paradise. I then added sugar. It cascaded majestically from the sugar bowl. They were little crystals tumbling from heaven. I stirred that gorgeous concoction with revery.

And then came that glorious moment. I lifted the mug to my lips, and drank deep that warm, sweet liquid. It was an orgasmic pleasure, such as I had never felt before. I drank it all, restraining myself from gulping it down in one go. I forced myself to savour its creamy delight.

I finished drinking. I sat back in my chair in a glorious daze of happiness. 

Suddenly, a full blown gallstone attack hit me! It wrenched me from my extacy. Seering pain under my right rib, spreading through my entire abdomen, fire blazing through my body, shooting into my shoulder, nausea taking over. I fell out of my chair, crumpling into a fetal position onto the floor. I cried and vomited.

Then, I awoke in a cold sweat.

Even my dreams won't let me enjoy my forbidden foods.

:(

Christ: Saviour or Zombie?

Today is Easter, where we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ. On this day many, many years ago (cuz I'm accurate in my facts) Jesus Christ rose from the dead. This can bring me to only one conclusion: Jesus is a zombie!

Happy Easter everyone!
:0)

Do I hafta????

Every morning, I have my rituals. Get up, do stretches, floor exercises, hop on the treadmill, check the emails, news, imdb, Twitter, Facebook, Horoscope, weather, youtube and check the blogs. I'll probably take a shower and have breakfast somewhere in there too, but I digress.

The point is, I check the blogs. I read the updated blogs, going through them thoroughly.

I will then click on my own blog and inevitably be disappointed that it is not updated. Then I remind myself that I am the one keeping the blog therefore I am the one who must update it. Ideally, my blog would write itself. It would be automatically updated by my psychic thoughts. Sadly, I don't have psychic powers, though  sometimes I believe that I do. Or at least I believe others should be able to anticipate my whims.

Anyways, anyways, the point is: do I hafta sit here and type out what I wanna say? Can't Apple come up with the iChip or something? Where you can just think of something and it appears on the interwebs? Surely we should have this technology available to us by now. ...

....

On second thought, that does sound rather creepy, but I've no doubt it's on its way.

Until then, until there are psychic chips implanted into our brains and we can view the interwebs through our retinas, I guess I'll just have to add updating the blog to my morning rituals. Sigh....

By the by, I'm long winded. I'm sorry.

   So far, I will say that I like this blogging thing. It allows me to be more long winded than Twitter or Facebook. So, I approve.

     I've come to realize that I may seem like a whiny bitch in these blogs. Prone to severe bouts of self deprication. This is true. But it's also the mood I'm in right now. I can be obnoxiously optomistic and perky too. You've just not been subjected to that side of me yet.

     I am Canadian. And being Canadian means I tend to apologize every two seconds in case I may have offended someone. Sorry if this seems offensive to other Canadians who feel that this is a stereotype and does not in any way apply to them or the whole population.

    By the by, I believe that there are different voices residing in my head. Not as in "Shhhh Bert, stop telling me to poke that guy's toupée with a stick." No, no, no. I don't mean that kind of voice. I mean the kind that puts negative thoughts in place of positive ones.You know the ones that prey on your vulnerability. The ones that make you feel worthless. Conversely there are the ones that make you believe that you are the shit.
   Anyways, those fellas are often battling in my head. There's also a mature version of me and a child version of me living in there too. Sometimes these characters tend to bicker. I will occasionally let them have it out in a written duologue. It saves me a headache and allows me to see how absurd of a mood I've been in. So, you might be in for some odd discussions.

   It's not weird, I swear! ... I'm not crazy. I'm perfectly normal for me. -_-

Somehow I feel that I've failed to convince you that I am in fact sane. Sugar cubes!

Silly, silly VickyJules

One of my pet peeves is excuses. And I just realized that my last blog entry is nothing but excuses. Ha!

Well, I should say that I dislike excuses when they come from other people. As for myself, making excuses is actually one of my favourite pass times, along with complaining. I complain a lot. It's tedious to everyone around me but my only excuse (ha!)  is that I'm an only child who constantly needs to be the center of attention, so complaining usually gets people to notice me. That and putting on weird voices.

Ok, so I might owe you some sort of explanation...

        There are a few things about my writing that perhaps you should know first.
      
        a) I'm a terrible speller. Always have been and sadly always will be. I was diagnosed with severe dyslexia as a child but it has gotten better over the years. I did not let it hinder my development in school. I adore reading and writing. However, I do need to slow down when I do either task or else I will seriously misunderstand perfectly simple things. When I write, I do tend to type quite quickly because I feel it necessary to get out my thought immediately before another one bombards its way to the forefront of my mind thus making me lose track of what I initially wanted to say. Since I type far too quickly there will inevitably be massive spelling errors and poor dyslexic mind can't cope. My apologies.

     b) I like run-on sentences. Deal with it.

    c) I'm very bad at editing my content. I tend to think everything I write is important (not in a The-World-Needs-to-Benefit-From-My-Knowledge-Therefore-You-Shall-Read-All-I-Say-And-Like-It kind of way) rather my mind tends to go everywhere, so everything gets written down before I forget it whether it's worth reading or not. It's important to me, though not to others. This ties in with my "love" of run-on sentences.

   d) Forgive my terrible punctuation and grammar. When I was in school I was constantly writing (obviously, I was in school after all) But since I have not been in an environment that requires perfect punctuation and grammar, I have forgotten some pretty basic rules. I will endeavour to improve my lack of written co-ordination. Just bear with me for now.

   e) I go through different moods quite rapidly. "What does this have to do with the blog?" you may well ask. Well, I shall tell you. There are times when I'm feeling excessively superior to everyone, so I'll start using big words to sound impressive (just look at the name of the blog). I'll use these big words to try to come off as intelligent, but I usually don't fully understand what they mean and wind up using them in the wrong context. So, I come off as more of an idiot than anything else. There are times when I feel quite silly, when my mentality drops down to that of a six year old child, and of course, spelling errors abound then. Everything becomes childish, but it makes me giggle, so tough noogies if you don't care for it.

   f) I love to rant. It's one of my many joys. So there will be a lot of grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and run-on sentences in those entries. Possibly, a lot of sarcasm as well. ... And possibly a lot of emoticons.

   g) I LOVE SWEARING! And if you don't like it you can go fuck yourselves you pussy whipped cock suckers. :)

  h) I am terrible at proofreading. I read and re-read everything I write before I post things, but I inevitably miss something crucial, like a word for example. I try to catch all my mistakes but forgive me if I mess up from time to time.


Ok, so I think that's about it. Bear with me, we may just have a few laughs together.

Only Time Will Tell

    Finally, after much peer pressure, I have officially started a blog. But the novelty of online blogging may not last too long. I have countless notebooks sitting in my desk, each of which I have faithfully sworn to make daily journal entries in, each one commenced and abandoned. So, I only feel it is a matter of time before I lose interest in typing out my banal observations.
 
     I suppose, as this is my first official blog entry, that I ought to give some sort of account of my personality, expectations of this blog, goals in life, hopes, dreams, etc, etc, etc...

    ....I ought to, but I shan't. ....

   All that I can say at this time is this: llama.